Sometimes I wonder am I truly deserve of blessing from them. Somehow or another way, I am barely managing to keep my head over the water, I wonder if the blessing from my passed away ancestors keeps me going. Earlier this morning, I had this weirdest dream about my grandma who passed away recently. I dont remember the dream clearly but parts of it. First i remember it was some kind of a big white hall which was divided into two sections by a plastic curtain; in one section, my grandma’s and her relatives are discussing about something and chitchatting, and other section appeared as a lounge area, with water fountain near to the entrance of the room. But something about my marriage’s discussion came up, I didn’t look too happy about it, and also I was busy studying for some exams. Later scene, it appeared in some marketplace (which also appeared white color ceilings and walls) where I watched other human walk by me, but I felt like I was some kind of wind that I can pass by them, but they can’t see me but the human can feel me as a wind ( I even remember seeing one of my classmates) whenever i cross by them. I don’t remember why i was there in the first place. Next scene, I remember, I saw my dad helped my grandma get to her chamber while i followed them stating comment to my grandma ”they switch to you a new room.” As usual, this room appeared white too but this one had a small living room with seating chairs ( they were in neutral colors), and it was conjoin with her bedroom where she has a decent size bed with some bold color bed-sheets. I followed her and dad to the bathroom, apparently, I was looking for a toothbrush, and she had some for me but once we reached her restroom, she open a case but instead pulling the toothbrush out she hand me a yellow pencil, I looked at it and then i was about to look for a pencil sharper but then i realized the pencil she handed me is already sharpen. Suddenly, I woke up out of sleep and my dream because my alarm went off. Weird way, it was a pleasant dream yet it left me with lot of questions. I am not sure what my grandma was trying to tell me. Did she gave me a blessing to study further or wish me some good luck or grant my wishes for knowledge. For some reason, I felt like I don’t want to see her tonight in my dream because I am scared she might be disappointed at me the way I acted today towards my parents. I lost my angry tonight with mom and dad since I came home late, I did told them I was coming home late but as usual my mom would make a comment ”which decent girl comes homes late and etc.” Still, I didn’t lost my temper till dad made a comment stating that I am going downhill, I am in messed up positions, my friends are messing me up, I am going down in wrong path and etc. I start yelling at him, really dad, the only thing that is missing in my life is right now a part time job. I am continuing the education i want to study on my own, I hangout with my friends once or twice a week. I end up coming home once a week late at the most. Its like the fight between my parents and me like a video recorder. Same shits over and over again. I am really tired of fighting, and I just wished they would just leave me alone. I am 25, and I don’t need this shits. I am over my ”danger years,” I hardly drink, I don’t smoke or any drugs, I am in a relationship with a decent guy, I am working on my master, has been looking for a part time job, and I have a dog who is dear to me. I don’t ask much from them but not to hold me back achieving my life. I want to complete my master, grow myself up, learn from world and people around me, distinguish which is right for me, and make my place in this world. I will full filled my duty as a daughter once I get a decent job after graduation and help them financially but all i asked from them in return is little of support and let me be for who I am.
